MARCO REUS

Who is he? Where does he play?

He is Borussia Dortmund's forward who, at the age of 23, has become a regular for the Bundesliga champions and the full German national side. Good looking, physically fit and able to play left, centre, through the middle or up front, there is no man alive who wouldn't wish to be him.... and yes, that includes you!

Not me... anyway, we're not covering his looks...

No, we're not, that's quite correct. If you want to learn a little bit about him, here goes.....he started out with Post SV Dortmund, before moving to Borussia Dortmund to receive his footballing education. After a decade on the north Rhine, he was off to Rot Weiss Ahlen where he earned his big break, featuring in 14 matches in the German division three as the club got promoted. He scored 2 goals for the minnows. How was the history lesson?

It was ok... got anything else?

It was another Borussia, this time Monchengladbach that took him from Ahlen, going straight into the team as a 19 year old under manager Lucien Favre. He made a total of 109 appearances for Gladbach in 3 years and became German footballer of the year after his 18 goals helped the club finish 4th in the Bundesliga in 2012, gaining him a return to Dortmund for a fee of 17 million euros.

How's he doing?

Brilliantly. With his fine technical ability at home anywhere in Dortmund's front-line in the high-octane passing urged by manager Jurgen Klopp, he has thrived, scoring 19 goals in his 38 games, creating 51 chances and registering 9 assists as he links up with the superbly gifted duo of Robert Lewandowski and Mario Gotze. 

He is in the brand of small, low-balanced technicians who roam around the attacking areas, nimbly linking play together. He creates, on average, 2 chances a game and remains a significant goal threat with an average of 3 shots per match. His goals come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, as seen by this video.

Whilst his constant movement inside from his usual starting position of the left, he is a nightmare for defenders to mark, making Dortmund's front-line fully mobile. His passing accuracy of 76% perhaps needs improving, but it suggests the ambitious through balls and link-touches he tries to pull-off.

You're kind of, beginning to bore me now..

Well sorry, but you asked me to stop leering over his lovely blond hair and his blue eyes and flawless looks..... ach.... but it's not as boring as the German line of technically gifted footballers they now have. Reus, who has 15 caps and 7 goals for Die Maanschaft, has joined fellow club man Gotze, Sven and Lars Bender, Julian Draxler, Toni Kroos...zzz..... they are just taking the mick out of us. 

By the way, the Guardian did this ahead of the recent Champions League tie with Malaga, so if you can't take anymore of our bickering, read what the experts wrote...