OLIVIER KEMEN

Who is he? Where does he play?

Kemen is a 16 year old French attacking midfielder who can play on either wing, off the striker as a traditional number 10, or alongside somebody in attack. The versatile talent formerly played for Metz but is now the latest Frenchman to say "Bonjour!" to Newcastle's revolution de Francaise.

Newcastle have found time to sign somebody this week?

Yeah, it seems like not everybody there is preoccupied by the ultra-insane decision to appoint the loony Joe Kinnear as Director of Football, and instead have pressed ahead with the acquisition of this French under-17 international. Kemen, who was born in the Cameroon and lists Barcelona midfielder Alex Song as an idol, is the latest on scout Graham Carr's list of imports from France.

He won't go straight into the squad though?

It's highly unlikely considering the player's age though with Newcastle's penchant for the utterly ridiculous, he'll be starting every single game next season. We joke of course, Kemen is still a raw talent, strong, athletic, powerful and comfortable on the ball, he will be kept in the development squads until time is ready to step up. Kemen's talent was spotted as an 8 year old by La Garenne-Colombes before he moved to Elite 14 in AC Boulogne Billancourt. There he was recruited by Metz.

He's in the France youth squads right?

He is, having represented the under-16s six times, Kemen has moved into the under-17 bracket, earning 3 caps so far and playing in this year's under-17 European Championship. A very highly rated youngster across the Channel, the 16 year old has been dubbed the "great hope of Metz", or now, "formerly the great hope of Metz".

How much will he cost Newcastle?

Reports suggest that Kemen has indeed past a medical and now compensation needs to be agreed between the two clubs. It is believed the figure will range between 400,000 euros and 1 million euros, which is pretty costly for a teenager. Though, Metz could probably ask for £49 million when dealing with the much-deluded Kinnear.